You can’t control acts of others, but you can control how you react to them

No one can make you feel any negative emotion  – fear, anger or inferiority - without your express permission. There will always be people who find perverse enjoyment in upsetting others or who simply play upon your emotions so that they can use you for their own selfish purposes. Whether or not they are successful depends entirely upon you and how you react to their negative behaviours. When you are forced to deal with such people, recognise from the outset that they are trying to upset you, not because of something you may have done to them, but because of some problem they have with themselves. Tell yourself: “This isn’t about me. I will not allow this person to upset me. I am in control of my emotions and my life.”

Make the Christmas holidays a rewarding time this year

I’m about to head home from San Francisco, to Sydney, and I leave behind  a city of fun, excitement and brimming with Christmas cheer. The Christmas decorations are everywhere, and hugh, impressive ones at that. Which, for many people, means just one thing…. Christmas stress. Christmas shopping, what to buy for him or her, that will be meaningful and appreciated, visiting the inlaws, arranging Christmas dinner, or the holidays if this is your time for travelling out of town.

I read an interesting piece in a San Fran newspaper this morning, written by Tom Moon, and I want to share some of this with you.

While the holiday season is a time of fun and celebration for many people, for those who are suffering grief or other forms of emotional pain, it can be a time of deepening sadness. But I believe that this can be a peaceful, even a joyful, time for most of us, so long as we respond to the season with authenticity and integrity.

Many of us unthinkingly comply with the old conditioning by mechanically going through the rituals every year, buying presents we can’t afford for people we hardly know; getting too little sleep and exercise while we eat and party too hard, getting too frantic, drinking too much, etc.

For some people, for instance, the best treatment for holiday depression is just to slow down. As the winter solstice approaches (this is written in the northern hemisphere), the darkest and coldest time of the year, a lot of us feel a natural tendency for the body to hibernate, for the mind to become reflective, for the heart to turn inward and for moods to become melancholy. But in our compulsively extroverted society, most of us run the other way and become even busier and even more socially active.

So, if you you find the celebration treadmill more exhausting than enjoyable, why not make a deliberate effort as December begins, to spend time alone with yourself to reflect on your life, be in nature, have some quiet walks, meditate – whatever soothes and quietens you.

He finishes by suggesting a few specific actions:

Write a gratitude letter to someone who is important to you, expressing all the ways in which you appreciate him or her, especially including the things you’ve never said.

Initiate one act of peacemaking within the circle of people you love.

Give a “gift” to at least one person that doesn’t involve spending any money.

If you can afford it, you can give a gift to someone you love of something that they really need – but make sure that they never know it comes from you.

All we really need to make these holidays a rewarding time in our lives, and less stressful, is the imagination and courage to define for ourselves what they are and what they mean.

A friend is a present you give yourself

I have just been to a Chinese restaurant in San Francisco and enjoyed a very delicious meal of chicken and snowpeas. And a few glasses of a rich Merlot. At the end, my fortune cookie had this message inside: A friend is a present you give yourself.

What is life without friends? I have written a lot on my blog about friends and friendship, but at the end of the day, you first need to be happy with who you are, before you can enjoy your friends and their friendship to the full. This reminded me of something I learnt from a banking friend during my time in New Zealand some years ago, when he spoke about happiness.

• Make sure you get what you want out of life – don’t focus solely on money
• Success is much more about harmony and happiness than income or title
• Measure your wealth in number of solid friendships
• Look to add value, create benefits for real people
• Extend your care and love as widely as you can
• Make at least one person happier every day
• No life is forever. Don’t delay or put off!!

So here’s to our friends and friendship and all that that means to a happy and fulfilled life. And why not make a new friend tomorrow and give yourself that present.

Now it’s healthy to have dirty skin

I read this article in The Metro, in London last week. Now I know why we let children play in the mud.

Remember your mother telling you to scrub behind your ears? Now experts believe being a little dirty is not such a bad thing. Bugs on the surface of the skin play an important role in dampening down over-active immune responses which can cause rashes, or cause cuts and bruises to become painful and swollen.

Skin bacteria include certain staphylococcal species that promote inflammation when they are beneath the skin’s surface. But scientists discovered a previously unknown mechanism where the bugs inhibit the inflammatory response when they are on top of the skin.

A molecule called staphylococcal lipoteichoic acid (LTA) acts on keratinocytes, the primary cell type found in the outer layer of skin. Keratinocytes need another molecule called TLR3 to mount a normal inflammatory response to injury. However, this response is kept from becoming too aggressive by staphyloccal LTA, research shows.

“These germs are actually good for us”, said Prof Richard Gallo, who led the research at the University of California at San Diego.

So, go on, go out there a get down and dirty. It may be good for your health.

2012 – enlightened consciousness or the end of the world?

I have an interest in numbers and numerology and receive regular articles on numbers and their significance. One of the most significant years in numerology is the year 2012 A.D. That is because that is the date that the Mayans predicted that the world would end.

Even people who do not know a lot about Mayan astrology have heard this theory that the year 2012 will bring the apocalypse. It is supposed to end on August 13th at 11:11 am. This is a date that has always been significant to theorists, physicist, astrologers, historians and numerologists, as the year signifies the end of the thirteen cycles that make up what is known as the Mayan Long Count Calendar. In fact it is also of interest to moviemakers and the movie, 2012, all about the end of the world, has just been released globally.

The Mayan Calendar contains both components of astrology and numerology. The people that belonged to this ancient civilization of South America were adept trackers of the heavens. The massive temples that were built by this early civilization were not just tombs or places to worship the Gods. They were also built to be giant observatories of the heavens and were architecturally designed so that the movements of the planets, the sun, the moon and the stars could be tracked. These majestic structures were centers of astronomic studies that also did dual duty as temples of worship. Some temples even had cut outs in their stones in the shapes of snakes. As the sun rose these cut out shapes would cast lengthening shadows in the shape of snakes down the temple steps.  From a distance it would seem that a real snake was slithering down the steps. When the snake shadow lengthened so that it reached the bottom of the steps it marked a day. One whole day in the Mayan calendar was called a Kin.

In essence the Long Count system nested cycles of days based on the number 20.   Every unit of time in the calendar was based somehow on that unit of 20. Twenty days was called a Uinal.  The Mayan year consisted of 360 days and was called a Tun.  This calendar was a little shorter than ours in terms of year length because it was only 360 days. So there were 18 Unial in one Tun.

The reason that ancient Mayan year was a little bit shorter than our current calendar of 365 years is that it was based on the astral cycles of Venus. The ancient Mayans knew that whenever this shining celestial body was close to the earth that it seemed to bring good times.  Of course today we would note this knowing that the planet Venus is associated in astrology with love and blessings. The planet Venus also has cycles that are the equivalent in length to the number twenty.

This Long Count system of measuring time was first put into practice by the Mayans around 32 B.C.  The reason that it was called The Long Count is because the Mayans, who were quite dark spiritually, believed that the end of the world must happen. In fact it was something to look forward because life was believed to be easier after that.

In essence the Mayan Long Count is the countdown to the eventual and unavoidable apocalypse that would bring the end of the world. The high priests and shamans in the Mayan culture figured out that
the Long Count which is supposed to equal 5125.36 days. This passage of time ends exactly on the winter solstice. Amazingly the Mayan mathematicians were able to pinpoint the exact day and time that the world will end in the future and that is on August 13th 2012. Just as a matter of interest they also believed that the world was conceived on August 13th.

Astrologically this date is important as this marks the date when the Sun is going to cross what is astronomically known as the Milky Way Equator.  The Mayans were absolutely incredible mathematicians and they could predict centuries into the future when it came to predicting the trajectory of the Sun.

Astrologically the crossing of the sun over the Milky Way equator scheduled to happen at exactly 11:11 a.m GMT on August 13th in the year 2012. This type of astrological event is unheard of as the sun will technically be in what is known as the “dark rift” of the Milky Way and oddly also be in conjunction with the exact center of the universe.

One famous analysis called “The Mayan Prophecies” (authored, Adrian Gilbert and Maurice Cotterill ) have put forth the theory that the sun will reverse its magnetic field that day. This would be a development that would result in weather changes and seismic shifts that could cause the end of the world.

Of course the end of the world has been predicted many times in history and it is more likely that the Long Count will signify the end of one era and a new beginning of consciousness.  However it is quite odd that the number 11:11 which is apocalyptic in other religions and cultures is the same in this world.

So is this fiction, fable or fact? You make up your own mind, but be ready for something interesting to happen at 11:11 on August 13, 2012

Calming strategies

I have just arrived at my London hotel, after a 6 hour trip from door to door, Munich door to London door, of which just 90 minutes was flying time and 3 hours was getting from London Gatwick airport to my London hotel….. the joys of land travel.

Boy is it cold and windy here in London and I arrived at my hotel exhausted, so I have been searching for some calming thoughts now, as I relax and get ready for bed. This is what I have found:

At every chance, put your feet up. This increases circulation but also has the amazing benefit of peacefulness. As Ovid wrote “Take rest – a field that is rested gives beautiful crop”

Be in the present as the flow of our lives is happening in the present moment. Stop what you are doing and embrace a deep sense of calm and peace. Then know you can let go, relax and even laugh.

Give yourself an eyebrow massage. By massaging the acupressure points around your eyes and forehead in an outward direction with your fingertips, a relaxing state of calm will soon arrive. It’s a natural stress reliever.

These have helped me – I hope they help you too.

German efficiency – well not this time

I wrote this blog post a few days ago as I sat on my third train for the day. My experience was definately NOT typical of German efficiency and since then they have proved that their trains, trams and buses do run to time. But this is what happened…..

The first train was Dutch, leaving Amsterdam mid morning, then I had to change to a German one and finally found myself on a French train. But more on that shortly.  

These European trains are really like bullets; they look like bullets and they travel like bullets. The speeds are shown on panels from time to time and earlier in the trip on the first train, I saw the speed had reached 198 kms per hour, then a little while later we reached 295kms per hour on the third train of the day, moving through a tunnel in Germany. That is moving rather fast across land and silently too…. Very little normal train noise can be heard at all. 

But back to the start. I had booked to travel by train from Amsterdam to Munich, thinking that I would hop on a bullet train and be in Munich in no time. I had tried to buy an airticket, but the ‘day before flying’ prices were crazy, so I settled for another train ride. At least I get to see the countryside. I was told I would have to change trains at Frankfurt, but that would be easy. My seats were reserved and the platforms were next to each other. 

I was going to write earlier that morning about the efficiency of European travel. Trains arrive on time, they leave on time, they are frequent enough not to keep one waiting too long at a station, and so people are able to get to the station with just a few minutes to spare and know they will catch their train without any trouble. Well, that was until we got to Germany. We had left Amsterdam exactly on time and the trip was uneventful. The countryside was interesting and varied to look at and I had found a good book to read. 

We arrived in Frankfurt on time, so far so good, and I easily found my way to the next platform where my German train would speed me down to Munich. I looked up at the notice board to read that the train was delayed, by at least an hour…. Hmmm, not good. I thought I would go grab a bite to eat, and drink my first German beer and as I devoured these, an announcement came over the loudspeakers that my train had been cancelled and that the next train to Munich would be delayed by over an hour. This was soon changed to “delayed indefinitely”. I imagined myself sitting in a cold railway station all night. 

I was about to resign myself to this long wait when I spied a sign in German that seemed to say “information this way”. “What can I lose? Let me go ask them what is happening with the train to Munich”. 

Lucky I did – is this the universe providing again I wonder – as there was a train leaving in 15 minutes from platform 5 for Stuttgart, that would connect, after a 25 minute wait, with a train, from platform 15, to Munich. The helpful person gave me a printout with the relevant trains and departure times listed. So I rushed down to platform 5, only to find now that this train was delayed “for less than 5 minutes” which quickly became “delayed for about 5 minutes”. Well 10 minutes later the train arrived and I found myself a seat – no reserved seats now, as I am on a different train and a different route, to the one I had booked. 

Well, by the time we arrived in Stuttgart, the delay had widened to about 30 minutes and we arrived a few minutes after my next train was due to depart from platform 15. I rushed to platform 15, hoping that the normal German efficiency would be absent again and that this train would also be delayed. Phew, there were 2 trains leaving for Munich, within 10 minutes of each other, but the earlier one, was delayed by 15 minutes which made it later than the later one. When the train on platform 15 arrived, I hopped on quickly, checking with a fellow traveler that this train was indeed going to Munich. The train departed, but, I then realised to my dismay, that this was a different service, this was a French train, traveling from Paris to Munich. Would my ticket be valid on this train? 

Well, to cut a long story shortish, the ticket inspector duly arrived, and seemed satisfied with the explanation of the cancelled train and I was on my way again. Then about half an hour out of Munich, the train came to a halt in the middle of nowhere. “For security reasons we will wait here and then travel very slowly for a while. This will delay our arrival by about 15 minutes. We do apologise”. So the 3^rd or 4^th delay, alteration or whatever to my plans and I finally arrived in Munich nearly 2 hours later than planned. And my friend Martin was still there to meet me….

Postscript: since that experience, all trains and trams that I have used have arrived right on time. So this experience was definately not normal.

The Key to Happiness

I receive many visits from readers to my previous posts on Happiness ( thank you ), so as I am currently visiting Amsterdam, which must epitomise happy in the mind of anyone who has been there, I thought I would philosophise a bit on what happiness is. One thing I can say, is that you only have to see the grins on the faces of people in the coffee shops here to experience ‘happy’.

Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy. So what gives you joy and satisfaction, makes you happy. A variety of philosophical, religious, psychological and biological approaches have historically tried hard to define happiness and identify its sources. Did they come to do research in Amsterdam I wonder?

Philosophers and religious thinkers often define happiness in terms of living a good life, or flourishing, rather than simply as an emotion. Today happiness can often be defined as a measure of the contribution one makes to society generally. People usually feel good helping others. And 0ften people who have plenty of money are not happy, whilst low income earners are generally happy people. I saw this on my recent visit to the Philippines.

Gratitude has also been shown to be high on the list of factors that lead to happiness. Recognising those things that one can be grateful for, even in times of adversity, can lead to enhanced happiness. That could be why some people who are diagnosed with an incurable illness, if they decide to accept it and be grateful for other aspects of their life, will be happier than one would expect in the circumstances.

Direct measurement of happiness presents challenges, and so tools have been developed by institutions such The Happiness Institute . Positive psychology researchers use theoretical models to try to measure happiness. These models can include describing happiness as consisting of positive emotions and positive activities. They also describe three kinds of happiness: pleasure, engagement, and meaning. That is why some people search for the meaning of life, and cannot be happy till they find it.

Research has identified a number of attributes that correlate with happiness: relationships and social interaction, extraversion, marital or relationship status, useful employment, good health, democratic freedom and equal rights, optimism, religious involvement, income and proximity to other happy people. Happy people can affect the mood around them.

Happiness economics suggests that measures of public happiness should be used to supplement more traditional economic measures when evaluating the success of public policy. It is felt that a happy constituency is likely to be a more productive group of people.

The French historian Fernand Braudel wrote that ” Happiness, whether in business or private life, leaves very little trace in history.”  But a perception of happiness leaves a strong trace on the balance sheets of cities that depend on conventions, tourism and an influx of talent.

In a recent Forbes survey, the world’s happiest cities were listed as follows:

1. Rio de Janeiro – I think we all know why this city wins
2. Sydney – woohoo for my city - I always knew we were a happy city?
3. Barcelona – hmmm, all the party cities are up top !
4. Amsterdam – I can vouch for this – I am here and I am happy
5. Melbourne – go the Aussies – must be all the good food and clothes there
6. Madrid – the Spanish know how to be happy, but what about the bulls
7. San Francisco – I am on my way there next week, to find more happiness and gaiety
8. Rome – I wonder if the Pope realises this!!
9. Paris – aah, the city of love and peace – and happiness too
10. Buenos Aires – the latins have it again. Could be the Salsa moves

So there you have it, according to Forbes magazine - and as they say in the article it is “a reflection of respondents’ thinking about where they could imagine themselves happy”. So go visit one of these cities in Europe (5 of the top 10 cities), Australia or South America (2 each in the table) or San Fran…….and be happy

Unlimited power may be available when two or more people coordinate their thoughts and actions in the spirit of perfect harmony to achieve a common goal

How many of us try to go it alone… when working together with someone could make all the difference? Master Mind alliance involves two or more people working together in perfect harmony toward the attainment of a common purpose. Such a partnership creates a superpower that enables each of its members to do far more than either would have been able to achieve separately. Choose your Master Mind partners carefully. Align yourself with people whose strengths complement yours. If you are a right brain person, for example, a logically driven left brain person may be a perfect counterbalance to your creative bent. Above all, choose to associate only with people who share your positive values and your commitment to similar levels of achievement.

The joys of travel in a foreign country

Paris has been a wonderful stop on my travels, so much so, that I extended my stay a few days… But foreign languages and foreign cultures have their pitfalls. I disovered that in my last two days in Paris.

I decided to take the train to Amsterdam, to explore what freedom of expression really means, so went off yesterday to buy my ticket – easy enough and 94 Euros saw me booked on the train, 2nd class, to Amsterdam, leaving today. Except, that when I arrived back at my hostel – I am staying in hostels on this part of my holiday and it is great fun – I found that my ticket had vanished, disappeared, it was no more….. Oh well, a few drinks and some good company at the bar watching France win the football, got me over this loss.

So this morning, after not sleeping that well for some reason – I found myself going over and over what might have happened to my train ticket – I got up early and went back to Gare du Nord to buy another ticket. I explained that I had lost mine, but the French lass was not that sympathetic and in fact I had to pay 20 Euros more for the second ticket, still 2nd class – not sure why. This all took me much less time than I had allowed, so to pass the time had a second breakfast at a cafe on the street – coffee au lait and croissant – and waited for my train to leave. Now, I had no clear idea, from my (second) ticket, where I was sitting, except I had an aisle seat, no 107.

The departure time finally arrived and I made my way to the train, which seemed miles long. I asked directions to my seat (not something a man usually does) and was, rudely I thought, mayeb it was just the  French, directed further down the train and finally settled down in seat 107 for the 4 hour trip to Amsterdam. Luxury seats, onboard wifi and power point for the laptop. So I felt good. But then the announcements came, to say this train was going to Cologne, via Brussels, with no mention of Amsterdam. And I heard this announcement in 4 languages, French, Dutch, German and finally English, so I guessed it was correct. Hmmmm, maybe I am on the wrong train, but as I begin to gather up my things, the train starts moving, so what the heck, I am on, and I am going where it is going. 

Luckily a conductor came along after 15 minutes, during which time I imagined myself ending up where I didn’t want to be, to check tickets and he informed me that I was on the wrong train, but luckily the right train was attached, even further up front, and I would be able to change when we arrived in Brussels – a 5 minute stop to delink the two trains. So I finally found my correct seat, also 107, on the forward train, but in much more cramped seats, no wifi and no power point for my laptop – but I have arrived safely and right on time, in Amsterdam.

The good news and happy ending to this slightly more stressful trip, is that my hostel is within easy walking distance from the train station and right in the middle of all the action, the coffee shops, the red light district and all the activities that Amsterdam is famous for. So I guess I won’t get much sleep tonight.